Anew.

The first things my close friends tell me when I let them in on the dirty little secret (also known as my weight) are either, "There's no way, you don't even look that big." or "Where do you put it? I don't see it."

Yeah that's me, the ninja of fat. Being fat after being skinny is a true art. You become the master of skillfully tucking in fat, buying shirts with short sleeves JUST long enough to hide your wings. Layering becomes a necessity; wearing three shirts instead of one long one to hold it all in. Sucking in becomes your new best friend, as well as standing with your hands on your hips to decrease your chances of looking like the ultimate blob. Then when all is said and done, you start believing you don't look THAT bad. You go into denial. And you just get fatter and fatter.

That's been me for over two years. My entire life I've struggled with weight problems. I finally "grew out of it" and was a healthy, skinny chick at 5'6'' and 140lbs. Of course, I didn't see myself as skinny, I thought I was a fat monster, and looking back at pictures of this person I want to punch her in the face for EVER thinking those kinds of thoughts. At twenty years old I got pregnant and gained sixty pounds. I immediately lost twenty pounds and remained at a stagnant 180. It wouldn't budge, no matter how hard I worked out at the gym or put into my mouth. I hit a wall that many many people do: What's The Point. I stopped exercising, I stopped caring about what I ate. What was the point? I wore my jeans high and my shirts low, I passed for an average american in my eyes. Who cares, I have people who love me for who I am, I thought. So I stopped loving myself. And I gained forty more pounds.

This past week I've decided enough was enough. Being fat is not something I was born to be. I crave being healthy again, being able to shop for clothes without having to decide between an XL and an XXL. Being able to take ONE picture of myself instead of retaking it forty times because you can see a hint of chin fat. Being able to wash jeans without having to worry about stretching them out later to make them fit. Yes, these are real struggles and I could list fifty more easily but I'll spare you. I just want to take charge of my life.

Therefore I decided to join my best friend in the foreign land of Paleo. Not just Paleo, but the land of Whole30. It's a complete lifestyle change that promises that if you give up processed foods, sugar, grains, and dairy for an entirety of thirty days, it will change your life and outlook on food. And who doesn't want that?

I don't believe in gradual changes, of getting your feet wet. Those are the mistakes I've made which resulted in me crashing and burning with weight loss. I need to do this, and do it now. So I'm starting the first of September. This allows me time for meal preparation, as well as mental preparation, and getting rid of all the bad food in my house.

To conclude this long-winded first entry, this new blog is going to document my path to a new change. I'm depending on this to list my progress, as well as meals, thoughts, feelings, frustrations, etc. But I won't give up for a second, and I'm fortunate enough having my boyfriend and best friend coming along for the ride as well.

To a new beginning :)

For more information: Whole30